Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
