he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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