i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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