No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
