mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
