Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
