They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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