Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hell yes lets make some ravioli
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
