had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
