I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
