Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
