Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
