Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
