you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
