I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
