she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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