he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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