$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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