Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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