I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
