i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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