it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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