took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
