I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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