lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
