Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
