I understand Curling. That high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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