I love black thongs
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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