i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
