there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
