my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
