Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
