I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't turn off my feet"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
