My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
