Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
