Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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