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My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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