I can text with my tongue
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
