just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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