I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
