So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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