So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
