i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
