Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
