Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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