Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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