I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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