who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
