Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
