I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
