Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
