That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
