The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
